December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998

I can still remember this date 11 years ago before I even knew what LGBT stood for. I heard on the news about a college student at the University of Wyoming who was tied to a fence, brutally beaten, and left for dead. It was a college student so it caught my eye. The story got worse after I found out that he was targeted because he was gay. I also remember how infuriated I became when I heard about certain “Christians” from a church in Kansas protested at his funeral. Hate caused his death. The hate continued after his death. The hate still exists over a decade later.

May we honor his memory as well as other victims…not with monuments…but with true change. Let us make an effort to communicate, listen, understand…and again I say it’s only possible through experiencing a love that so surpasses our understanding…the love of Christ Himself. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it” (John 3:16-17).

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

My apologies. I’ve gone silent for quite a while. Partly due to getting over annoyances. It has also been quite a summer followed by the beginning of the school year here at the U of I. A whole bunch of excuses. But I promise I’ll try to stay on top of this.

In June, I made my first trip to California, specifically San Francisco. While we spent the majority of our time serving the homeless in the Tenderloin, I did have one afternoon to spend in the Castro District. Half of our team came with me as we went on a prayerwalk through the district but spending most of our time near Market Street. We didn’t have any time to actually talk with anyone. At mid-afternoon there wasn’t much activity anyway.

The ministry that we partnered with is very much interested in building a bridge with the LGBT community of San Francisco. There is actually, ironically, a Southern Baptist Minister who has gained much favor in the Castro, so much that he was asked to speak at Pride. We passed by his church but no one was there. It was obvious that their facility has received their share of attention since November’s Prop 8 decision. Worn notices were posted by the city defining harassment. I wished that I had an opportunity to speak with him. Maybe next time.

Overall, it was a great visit. Who knows. Maybe I might end up there someday.

A couple weeks later, I met with Sara who was a graduate intern with the UI LGBT office and got a job at the Center on Halsted in Chicago. We spent a while talking about her experiences, especially with LGBT teens and the struggles they face. It was great to see her.

Then, I walked a couple blocks to Starbucks to meet with Andy Marin who is the author of “Love is an Orientation” a book which has cause quite a stir in both LGBT and Christian circles. Once again, a great conversation as we talked more about networking and continuing the work of bridge building.

Most of the summer was routine back at U of I. The Rainbow Coffeehouse morphed into the Rainbow Lemonade Stand. The office welcomed new assistant director who is also originally from Chicago/Suburbs. So the transition is now complete and a new era begins. While I miss Curt and Khristian, I love working with Leslie and Katie and look forward to greater things yet to come.

“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always me first, doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end” (I Corinthians 13:4-7).

A very familiar passage from the Bible. I’ll have to be honest…it’s not one of my favorite verses for various reasons. It would fall into the category of overused or token verses. What I mean is that people are so quick to quote it, put it on a refrigerator magnet, embroider it on a bridal pillow, work it into a cheezy poster with a nature scene, or it’s a default verse in a teaching on the subject. I don’t know, maybe it’s because love was a difficult concept to understand while I was growing up. The three words “I love you” were not common place. It gets back to a verse and even a concept that is much easier to discuss or muse over than to practice with authenticity. It could even be one of the most difficult words to define. Here’s my attempt with the help of the internet:

love – to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for; concern for the well-being of others; a feeling of warm personal attachment.

Love is at the center of my faith as I follow Christ. A significant part of my journey is growing in my knowledge of Christ’s love for me and for all people. Over the past 3 years, I have had a unique opportunity to put it to the test. I hope I’ve passed the test. I can’t give an accurate assessment…I guess those I’ve gotten to know can answer that query better than I can.

I knew there would be challenges. The first time we hosted at the Rainbow Coffeeshop, one of the first students we served at the bar grew quite antagonistic when he found out we are Christians and promptly stormed out of the Etc. Cafe weaving a tapestry of obsenities. Weekly, I hear derogatory remarks about Christianity or God Himself. At first I was taken aback. Not anymore. I’ve grown to understand where the angst originates. I’ve dealt with it. It’s fine. Not difficult. There is a greater cause than my feelings. And I think God gets past it too.

The surprising thing to me is the reaction I’ve gotten from many fellow believers. No, I’m not talking about the fire and brimstone, sign waving, condemning homophobes you on would find Halsted during the Pride parade or in the French Quarter all year long. I’m talking about people with whom I worship or in a similar way at other fellowships. The last 3 years has never been about a project trying to prove a point. It hasn’t been about “infiltrating” the other camp and pull a Trojan Horse sneak attack. It hasn’t been out of pity.

It’s always been about people. No labels, no letters or abbreviations. Just people. It’s been about connecting with those whom I used to fear, push away, ignore, and even ridicule. It has to do with people who felt they could never darken the doors of my church building, my home, or my life. Those who too often have been wrongly convinced that God has given up on them and is counting down the days until He can send them to their eternal punishment. It’s been about helping people to understand that we are all on equal footing when it comes to the Cross of Christ. We are all equally deserving of punishment. And we all equally have access to God. He loves us ALL. Because of the most perfect, purest incarnation of love…Jesus.

It’s been quite a journey. Challenging, exciting, disappointing, gut-wrenching, emotional, risky…but been worth it. I’ve received challenges regarding my own sexuality, come under great scrutiny, accused of compromising my convictions, lied about, slandered, lost sleep, agonized, experienced loss…and again I say it’s been worth it. In fact, if I could go back to August 2006…I’d do it all over again…in a heartbeat. The only thing I’d change is that I’d work even harder.

To my critics, I’d say…walk a mile with me. I dare you. When it comes to a question of my love for people, my response would be…which is a stronger test of love: Being with people with whom you agree, are of like mind, have a common cause, can relate to? Or is the greater challenge to be with people with whom you may disagree on certain issues, with whom there is the great potential for hostility and volatility…and cross that bridge anyway? I don’t know. I’m just sayin.

Perhaps I am getting defensive. Again. I don’t know. I’m not trying to win an argument, not trying to be right, not trying to pat myself on the back for my attempts at reconciliation. All I’m trying to do is to love people…yes, tainted with imperfection, pride and selfishness. Which is why all I’m doing is pointing them back to Christ in whom they can find true love that none of possess.

That aside, let me give a shout out to those who we’ve had the privilege of connecting with: Sara, Curt, Khristian, William, Jon, Bryce, Jimmy, another Jon, Chris, Kameron, Brandon, Jeff, another Chris, Ryan, Lyndon, Leslie, Casey, Jeanette, Narali, another Brandon, Mike, Sam, Nathan, Sean, Joel, Alex, another William, another Mike, another Mike, Josh, Kevin, Brant, Bernie, Jonathan, Mo, Hugo, Louis, Lori, Carrie, Melissa, Ann, Sienna, Brian, Sue, Letoya, Kim, Brad, Kyle, Tom, Matt, Seth, Patrick…and so many more…I love you!

In the spring of 2008, a U of I student became the victim of a hate crime as he walked down Green Street with a few friends. Students mobilized to protest against the hate by displaying love with the first HUG-IN. People were stationed on corners in Campustown distributing flowers, candy, cookies, and dispensing free hugs. I remember how badly we wanted to attend but we had a prior commitment that went all night. This year, after the Break the Silence Rally, our students were begging me to let them go. We had another conflict. What they didn’t know is that I was already trying to figure out how to do both.

It was an amazing evening as we arrived at Green Street. It was more than I expected. Students decked out in balloons and big smiles hugging people walking by…it was awesome. Yeah, of course, it was awkward. Many people backed off from the offers of affection. Hey, it was a little weird for me. But the message is so important and so vital. The HATE must end.

I sat down on the steps of an apartment complex facing Pizza Hut to pray for people as they walked by…to thank God for the events of the day and for the progress we’ve seen in recent years. I looked up and to my surprise, some of the students from our ministry had commandeered their own corner and were doing the whole hug thing and passing out the treats. I thought it hilarious that one of our interns, who just a few years ago opposed the whole bridge building thing, was standing on a garbage can with a sign that said “FREE HUGS.” My my…will God ever cease to amaze me.

It was such an awesome feeling watching our students mingle, working for the same cause. When we saw some of our friends: Nate, Casey, Jeanette, Curt, Leslie, Brandon…others…it was just like a bunch of friends getting together. You know why? Cause we are. And I gave em all big ol hugs.

For more info on the initial assault or the Hug-In, click here

Our third Day of Silence was incredible. Mother Nature decided to be nice and cooperative. 70 degrees most of the day.

Thanks to…
The Excel Campus Ministry students, thanks for helping out at the booth: Johannes, Jonathan, April (who got really pink), Ben, Josh, Jesse, Kelly and Excel Alum Will Shalter.

To the folks from Stone Creek Church who came to support me: Pastor Kevin, HDavid, Stephen, Grace, Jonny with the fake British accent, and Erica.

To Casey and friends…thanks for giving me the chance to speak.

You guys are awesome.

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Yesterday was the Day of Silence. The students in our campus ministry helped to run a booth on the Quad to support our LGBT friends for this day of silent protest, remembrance, and reflection. I was asked to speak at the Break the Silence Rally at 5pm, also on the Quad at the University of Illinois. The following is the speech I delivered.

You might be wondering, “What is this guy doing here?” He doesn’t belong. Him being here is about as weird as Sarah Palin being the keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention, Bill Maher attending Christmas Midnight Mass at St. Peter’s, or Paula Dean speaking at a conference on cardiac medicine.

I am here for 3 reasons recognizing the Day of Silence:
• As it states in Proverbs 31:8, to “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.” There are incredible crimes, injustice, discrimination directed towards the LGBT community. We can do better.
• I am here to honor the memories of the victims of homophobia: 14-year old Lawrence King who was shot in a schoolyard for being gay. A young lesbian woman outside of San Francisco who was targeted, kidnapped, and raped repeatedly by a gang of teenage boys before being left for dead on the street. We remember Bobby Griffin who took his own life in August of 1983 due to alienation, never feeling normal or good enough to please his religious family. The list of tragedies goes on. We can do better.
• Finally, I recognize that we’ve seen progress, but there is more change that needs to take place. We can do better.

I’d like to share a story from the Bible. The Bible is a great book. Unfortunately, it has often been misused by selfish people justifying slavery, sexism, racism, our nation’s Manifest Destiny, and the slaughter and abuse of millions of Native Americans. If you’re not a Christian, please don’t tune out what I’m saying because these are still wise words we can live by. It is the story of the Good Samaritan. A Jewish man is leaving Jerusalem on the road to Jericho. Along the way, some bandits attack him, strip him of his clothing, and steal his belongings and money, leaving him for dead. Shortly after, a Levite and a priest walk by, displaying their indifference. They don’t just walk past him, they cross to the other side of the road, wanting nothing to do with him. Lastly, a Samaritan walks by who has compassion on the Jewish man and takes care of his needs. Ironically, they were sworn enemies based on religion and race. There was no earthly reason that this should have happened. Through this story, I see 3 types of people in our society.

Thieves – representing greedy, self-centered people. They gain at other people’s expense and don’t care who they hurt in the process. LGBT people have often been a target of violence and discrimination.
• 17% of all hate crimes are against LGBT people
• 75% of people committing hate crimes are under age 30 – 1/3 under 18
• possibly more than 80% of victims – never report the incident, often due to fear of being “outed”

The attacks have also been waged through the media. During the early 1980’s, AIDS was labeled as the gay cancer. People dismissed it as the punishment for an abberrant lifestyle. My friends in high school joked that GAY stood for Got AIDS Yet? 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina were declared to be God’s judgment against America for the sins of abortion and homosexuality. Matthew Shephard was a University of Wyoming college student who was targeted, beaten, and left for dead because he was gay. That in itself was a tragedy…but compounded by the protests of Fred Phelps and his family from Westboro, Kansas. On his website, he has a tribute to Matthew. That peaked my curiosity so I looked at. I was in horror as I saw Matthew’s face transposed over an animated flame. If you click the audio button, you can hear Matthew screaming from the pit of hell. There is a counter marking the number of days since Matthew went to hell. For a while, Phelps wanted to erect a tombstone in Matthew’s hometown showing his birthday, and “October 12, 1998 – entered into eternal damnation.” Yes, we can do better.

The Priest/Levite – are religious workers, public servants- people who should be responding to the needs of the people entrusted to them. This is the community where I’d have most influence for change: Among Evangelical Christians. The vast majority are either apathetic or looking out for their own needs; or full of accusation and void of compassion. If you wanna talk about a community with an “agenda,” I present to you the North American Church. They are all too quick to complain about their rights being violated but don’t hesitate to strip others of theirs. The Illinois Family Institute has waged an ad campaign against the Day of Silence through videos, literature, and blogs. “It is our firm opinion that these CLAIMS of discrimination, intolerance and bullying (aimed at people of faith who believe God’s Word that homosexuality is sin) are diverting attention away from GLSEN’s main purpose which has been and continues to be the normalization of homosexuality among impressionable youth.” Let’s discuss these claims.

One the EDUCATION front:
*97 % of LGBT students in high schools report regularly hearing homophobic remarks from their peers
*53% of LGBT students report homophobic comments by school
*80% of prospective teachers negative attitudes toward LGBT people
*2/3 of guidance counselors harbor negative feelings toward LGBT people
In their own homes:
*42% of homeless youth identify as gay/lesbian
*11.5% of LGBT youth report being physically attacked by family members
*45% of gay teens 20% of lesbian teens report experiencing harassment and/or physical violence
The results: Emotional Trauma and Scars
*30% of gay and bisexual adolescent males attempt suicide at least once
*LGBT teens 4x more likely to commit suicide, 30% of teen suicides are directly related to sexual identity
*83% of adolescent lesbians use alcohol, 56% use other drugs, and 11% use crack and/or cocaine
*68% of adolescent gay males use alcohol, 44% use other drugs
Locally at the University of Illinois as demonstrated in the 2004 Climate Report:
*9% reported being victims of harassment; 1/3 have witnessed discrimination/harassment
While lower than the national ave, even one is too much. Last April’s hate crime on Green Street was an illustration of that. We can do better.

Good Samaritan – He was the Israelite’s enemy but he laid differences aside and responded to the need. The #1 reason for me being here today? It is the ministry of Christ: caring for people, meeting needs, particularly marginalized, abused, overlooked and ignored portions of the population. That’s all I’ve tried to do. I’ve jumped off my high horse, looking for anyone who wants to connect…talk.

In his 2006 Global Initiatives Conference, President Clinton said “Too many have bought into the illusion that our differences matter more than our common humanity.” We don’t have to agree on everything. We can agree to disagree. That needs to be ok.

I see Curt McKay (former UI LGBT Director) in the audience. We’ve come a long way since the fall of 2006. I remember the first time we drove to the Rainbow Coffeehouse in the Etc. Café. As soon as I saw the rainbow flag, I panicked. For the first couple of weeks, we hid in the back, cowering. Sarah Clemons, a graduate intern was one of the first people to talk to us, support us, and help us build a bridge. We began working with Curt and Khristian, and now Leslie and Lyndon. Yes, we’ve come a long way since then and that’s why I’m standing here right now. I’ve met some amazing people and made some amazing friends.
Have we made progress? Yes. Do we have a long way to go, a lot to learn? YES. I haven’t arrived. I CAN DO BETTER. There are/will be disagreements, bumps in the road. And you know what? That’s what happens when friends get together. But this is my challenge to us all: let’s be courageous enough to take a risk. Get to know each other. Not Christians and LGBT. But as people. I remember a conversation I had with Sarah about certain outspoken evangelicals and their criticisms of gay people. Then she said, “Terry, thanks for taking the time to listen and figure out what kind of people we are.” My response was “Sarah, you’re not a kind of people. You’re people.”

I realize what I’m saying might be difficult to receive. My words for many are being filtered through adverse experiences: hatred, humiliation, shame, condemnation. But I also believe it’s possible. Kevin McGloughlin messaged me after the CRU/LGBT forum. My response to him was:

If LGBT folks can learn to forgive and forget the past, to move beyond the pain, give Christians another chance…
If Christians could actually practice Christ’s teachings instead of bowing to age old hatred and narrow mindedness, or using it for their own personal gain; if they’d stop trying to change people and realize we actually share the earth with 4 billion other people…
And if those walking the fine line between both communities would continue to speak up and demonstrate the benefits of building bridges vs. burning them…if all parties would be willing…then there’s hope.

Surely we can agree: violence, hatred, homophobia, ignorance, intolerance, discrimination needs to end NOW!
And to Mr. Phelps, this is my response: My God did an incredible thing in my life 25 years ago. I was a messed up teenager, feeling condemned, guilty, and absolutely helpless. He chose to forgive me…to love me. And to reiterate my colleague from the McKinley Foundation from 2 years ago: Please let me say…GOD LOVES YOU. Not only does God love you…We LOVE YOU. Several of our students are here. I don’t know everything that entails being an Ally. When I think of that word, I think of the U.S. and the Soviet Union during World War II. Look what happened after that. They can work together but often times that is on the surface level. I don’t minimize the Allies here at the U of I and their work. But we’re not here as ALLIES…we’re here as a FRIENDS…and WE’VE GOT YOUR BACK!

Please stop by our booth. We have some refreshments available. But we also have something else for you. There is an old American proverb that no one trace to the source, but it says “Before you judge a man walk a mile in his shoes.” This needs to be a practice in all of our lives. It’s so easy to assume things about a person through casual observations, but it’s not always accurate. We need to make an attempt to see life from other people’s points of view. As a token to remember this, we want to give you one of these SHOE keychains.

I want to close by reading the Prayer of St. Francis. I really admire this man’s life. He got into trouble for challenging the religious status quo, he broke ranks to do what he believed in, and he was passionate to be with the people he loved.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.

Thank you and may the dialogue begin.

Last Monday night was just totally amazing. We hosted a viewing of the Lifetime Movie Prayers for Bobby. It was a month in the works, partnering with the Office of LGBT Resources at the University of Illinois. We did promotions the usual way: Facebook Event, fliers in coffeeshops, personal invites, the Illini InQueeri newsletter.

As expected, people got emotional during the movie. It is a very real depiction on what many LGBT teens face when coming out to family members and amidst religious circles. Prayers for Bobby probably opened some old wounds or touched people’s buttons bringing on a variety or emotions. A couple people even broke down during very powerful or moving scenes in the movie.

When the movied ended, I went up to the front to set the tone for discussion. I expressed the need for us to be willing to connect and talk, not focusing so much on our differences, but our commonalities. Our desire was not to have a debate but to give an opportunity for folks to respond to the movie. It was a moment we wanted for us as evangelicals to shut our mouths and for LGBT people to speak. We offered 4 possible questions to direct the response time:
*What about the movie touched you personally?
*What is one thing you would want to communicate to Christians?
*Where can we go from here?
*Where does God fit in your life? What led you to this point?
What happened over the next hour was amazing to say the least. People began to share their own coming out experiences or knew people who had similar experiences as Bobby Griffin. Others expressed genuine concerns regarding the Church’s approach, not just on homosexuality but sexuality in general.

I decided to shut down dialogue at 9:30pm because I wanted people to interact vs. sitting in a lecture type atmosphere. I finally walked through my front door at 11:45pm because people hung out so long. Our folks had brought so much food so we had to sent students home with bags of food. But it was a thoroughly enjoyable time as we all made new friends that evening. Our students began adding each other on Facebook, creating quite a bit of traffic on my newsfeed. Several went out to Murphy’s afterwards. Others expressed the desire to meet later in the week and continue the dialogue.

So, while the event is over, we are hopeful for yet another new beginning. Looking forward to any feedback from those who were present that evening.

Thank you’s:
*Leslie – for giving us a chance and trusting us with your kids. I echo your email. Looking forward to many more collaborations.
*Chris, Bryce, Nate, and Jimmy (the highly educated bunch in the front) for behaving.
*Tom and Debbie – for being surrogate parents to so many people.
*Thanks to the folks from Stone Creek Church and Excel Campus Ministry for all of the food.
*To everyone for making it a memorable moment, for stepping into No Man’s Land and for willing to connect.

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This last January, the Lifetime Movie Channel aired the movie “Prayer for Bobby” on two different night. I was unable to watch either broadcast so I had my sister record it for me. It’s the true story of a conservative Christian mother’s reaction to her son’s admission of being gay. Mary Griffith begins a campaign to rehabilitate and heal Bobby for the purpose of redeeming him, leading ultimately to his suicide 4 years later. It is an all too familiar tragic story that LGBT people (teens and young adults in particular) experience as they try to make sense of both spirituality and sexuality.

I won’t mince any words in describing it…this movie is intense and if you haven’t seen it yet, have kleenex on hand. I watched it with a couple of our students. After the first 25 minutes, we didn’t speak at all because we were so focused on what was happening. And even at the end, we sat in silence for several minutes before anyone said anything. Prayers for Bobby has definitely impacted me and made me even more aware of the need to persevere in our efforts.

While there were many stirring moments, I believe one of the most intense scenes was when Bobby’s mom first found out about his suicide. The shock, anguish, guilt, and regret all in the same moment as she desperately tried to get out to her husband. That is a feeling that I never want to experience…ever. The movie left me numb for the next several days. I literally had a sick feeling in my stomach, realizing once again how real these issues are. In one of my introspective moments, I wanted to travel through time to August of 1983, an overpass in Portland, Oregon, grab Bobby Griffith by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him that he doesn’t have to do this. I wanted to tell him that his parents, his family, and most of all…God loves him.

And yet, I focus on the present and the work we have to do now. As Mary Griffith has moved on with her life, making peace with her mistakes, and now has become a surrogate mother for so many LGBT youth, I find myself with endless opportunities to prevent such tragedies from happening again.

I began to think of opportunities to communicate further with LGBT students here in our community. Some of our small group leaders and I discussed the idea, talked it over with a couple of our pastors. Then I approached the Director of LGBT Resources at the U of I and she was all for the idea. After throwing around several dates, we settled on Monday, April 6 and we will host it at our campus facility: the HUB, 912 W. Springfield in Urbana.

It occurs to me that the very reason I came up with its name: The HUB – a central point of connection. Well, looks like we’ll have the opportunity to see how that works. Since that is our gathering night for our campus ministry, Excel, I have kicked them out of the building for the evening to that we can host our LGBT neighbors. It will be an interesting gathering of LGBT students and evangelical Christians. We will show the movie, then open up a time for discussion afterwards. I hope and pray that this will be a productive time in which we can connect, listen, communicate, share our lives, get to know each other…and perhaps become friends.

CRU, which is the local UI Chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ, is in the middle of a series where they engage other people groups with whom there is little communication, and too often a whole lot of misunderstanding.  First up was the LGBT community.  Each side of the panel discussion had four students and were given questions in advance.  Then they alternated answering the questions for the first 1 1/2 hours and then opened it up for audience questions.  Overall I believe it was productive.  The first half especially was open and honest.

CRU did an excellent job with their presentation.  They were polished and well prepared.  Some of the things they said challenged me in how I present my faith.  My only 2 criticism were:   that despite the excellence in execution, their words were textbook responses.  It would have been fine for a Sunday School class or a Bible study.  But the Christian vernacular would at times be lofty for a non-Christian audience.  The other challenge was the presentation of 4 Caucasian students that are not reflective of the diversity with the Body of Christ.  But I applaud their efforts and I say a job well done to the CRU students and their staff.  They took on a volatile and difficult issue and I believe they more than accomplished their purpose.

The LBGT panel, while more diverse, articulated the frustrations and disappointment with religious circles.  Their responses were honest, real, and thought-provoking.  I admire their courage in showing up at an arena where the majority of people were part of the “opposing” camp.

I can only pray that this is a new beginning for some.  A beginning of understanding, listening, and taking the time cross bridges instead of burning them.  Some bridges need to be rebuilt before they’re crossed.  It will take effort and a surrendering of opinions, prejudices, and even pride.  Doable?  YEP!